Thankful

I have done alot of griping on this old blog lately so today I am going to list some of the things I am thankful for...

I am thankful that I have such a rock solid relationship with my husband.

I am thankful that my boys adore their little sister. I still get teared up every time one of them walks into our house and I watch the way they interact with her.

I am thankful that I have such an amazing daughter in love. She is a terrific mama to my incredible grand baby, and an awesome wife to my U*Haul. I am so thankful for the relationship that we share as well.

I am thankful that the Lord has allowed us to parent this beautiful little girl who steals my heart each and every day.

I am thankful for the friendships I have made via the blogging world. I can tell you that I have half a dozen friends I have made through the internet that I would hop on a plane at a moments notice if they ever needed me.

I am thankful for my time tested friendships here at home. It is so comforting knowing that I have a posse that circle the wagons when necessary.

I am thankful that we have the opportunity to provide jobs to people in our local community and I am even more thankful for the incredibly talented group of people that I get to work with each and every day.

I am thankful that I live in a state that offers so much beauty that it is easy to take it for granted.

I am thankful for my life

The Stuff Inside My Head Part Two

How is one wife/mother supposed to care for a sick husband who is laying in bed upstairs begging for water/aspirin/soup/kleenex and one sick four year old who insists on sneaking out into the living room on the lower level to lay on the couch and begging for water/mechazin (medicine)/soup/kleenex at the same time? I am about to find out.

Note to people having outpatient procedures done at the hospital-please remember to tie your gown before your decide that traipsing down the hallway is a good idea. Certainly got a few eye fulls today.

Note To Self: Please remember to be kind to your digestive track. Eating deep fried spicy pickles along with jalapeno poppers probably helps keep your eyeballs open at 3:00 am

Note to Semi Driver-the left lane of the expressway is meant to either pass or go faster than 35 mph while you blatantly type on your laptop located on the dash of your truck while I try to scurry past you hoping you don't decide to veer into my lane.

That's all I've got time for-I think I hear someone whining (not going to tell you which one)

The Stuff Inside My Head

I have a million little things rolling around in my head-going to attempt to put a few down for today's post...

You know you are in the middle of the H1N1 battle ground when they close the local school for a week. Apparently Dreamsicle is not the only one suffering from the flu 'round these parts. Speaking of this crazy flu-enough already! Just when I think she is on the road to recovery she spikes a fever of 100 million degrees and freaks me the heck out again. Note to Dreamsicle: Please stop freaking your mama out and get better once and for all.

Chester's girlfriend broke up with him last week. Between worrying about Dreamsicle and her 100 million degree temp, and Chester's heart that has been broken into 100 million jagged little pieces fun times have not been had in these parts. No rest for the weary *sigh*

Can someone please explain what the h*e double hockey sticks we were thinking starting a business in the Mitten State this year? Anyone? And if you are one of the people that I considered to be my friend, why the h*e double hockey sticks didn't you stop us, hmmm?? Truly-does this mean that if I was standing in the middle of the road and a tour bus of senior citizens headed up to the casino came barreling at me from behind but I didn't hear it because I was too busy listening to my IPOD that you wouldn't push me out of the way? Would you just look at my flat as a pancake self mushed on the road, shrug your shoulders and say, hmmm, guess I should have warned her? Inquiring minds want to know.

And The Plague Continues

Still home with Dreamsicle-she seems to be doing markedly better today thank goodness. And in typical McGyver household fashion, more drama. Our sweet little beagle caught wind of something that he decided that he needed to chase and he has not come home. Have you seen my dog posters will be going up today.

The Halloween That Wasn't

If you follow me on Facebook, you know that Halloween was a total dud in the McGyver house this year. Dreamsicle was all set to be Tinkerbell then the dreaded H1N1 came knocking on our door and knocked her out. Instead of loading up on candy, Dreamsicle loaded up on Motrin. She was so disappointed that I am seriously considering calling some of our closest friends and family and seeing if they will let us have a "do-over" for Halloween this Saturday. She seems to be doing much better today thank goodness, fingers crossed that there will be no back sliding or secondary infection that decides to visit her in the near future.

Jumping In

I am entering the NaBloPoMo frey and going to try to post 30 posts in 30 days. This first post wouldn't post yesterday but this is November 1st...

A Mama's Hug

I remember when the boys were young, every scrape or social injustice could be cured by a hug from their mama. I wish that was still the case. Tough times right now in the McGyver house.

Happy Anniversary Mcgyver

25 years ago I stood in the basement of my church wearing a white dress, hoping to keep the tears that were threatening to spill out of my eyes at bay so that I would not ruin my makeup.

25 years ago I walked down the aisle of my church with my Dad at my side. As we took that slow walk up the aisle he whispered to me-you look beautiful and when we get to the front of the church a new man will become the most important man in your life.

25 years ago McGyver slipped the ittiest, bittiest little diamond ring on my hand (we affectionately named it chip) and we exchanged our vows.

25 years ago we celebrated until the wee hours of the morning. McGyver not wanting to leave the reception one minute early because we were having such a fantastic time surrounded by our family and friends.

25 years ago I married my best friend.

Lil Pea and Pixie

Are on their way back to the Mitten State today. They should arrive this afternoon via a small aircraft that will deposit them close to Pixie's mama's house. I will be picking them up from there. I am simply beside myself today with excitement. I cannot wait to hold that sweet baby again and kiss his chubby little cheeks. Dreamsicle has spent the last three days running around the house shouting-yeah! Lil Pea is coming to visit me! about a million times. U*Haul will be heading *underway* again soon so it made perfect sense to have the rest of his fam come home while he is gone.

I am getting v.v. excited about our upcoming Disney trip. Just the thought of my whole family together again gives me butterflies in my stomach. We are even bringing Aunt Genious along with us so fun is sure to be had by all. Poor Aunt Genious has no idea what she has gotten herself into though I am sure. McGyver has tried to warn her but she really has no idea that I really do get up at the crack of dawn every day and make a ginormous breakfast, start cracking the whip to get everyone showered, clothed and fed early enough to allow for us to make it to each park's rope drop in the morning. Vacation-mama style-doesn't really include relaxing, sleep filled mornings.

Remember the pics I posted of the Floating playpen? Just wait until I post the pictures of the accomodations we will be staying in on our trip. We have a truck camper that will be home to McGyver, myself and Dreamsicle but we are also pulling down a utility trailer that McGyver has fixed up as his mobile "hunting cabin". There is a set of bunkbeds, a resin table and three chairs, two vertical filing cabinets that he uses to house all of his kitchenware items and clothes, and another cot inside the utility trailer. This will be home to Aunt Genious, U*Haul, Pixie and Lil Pea. X*Boy, Chester and Chester's girlfriend (Belle) ***off the beaten bath for a minute-Chester has a girlfriend whom we all adore. Belle is a hometown girl, shares the same values and seems to truly make Chester happy. She would fit nicely into the McGyver family thankyouverymuch.*** Back on track now-X*Boy, Chester and Belle will be coming down a few days after the rest of us due to Belle's college exam schedule. So excited. Can you tell?

Faith

**Warning-raw emotional post ahead**

I miss my faith. Let me rephrase that-I miss being active in my faith. I certainly still have a relationship with God but I don't have a relationship with a church. When all of the mess took place at the last job I was an employee at I was crushed. Crushed because the person that caused all of the ick proclaimed to be a man of faith. Then I watched him do and say things in a manner that were certainly not Christ like. Fast forward a year and a half and over the course of this time span I have been hit again-with people that profess to love God, to claim to be Christians-only to act in devious, dark ways. And it has left me broken.

I used to be active in my church-then we stopped going. And you know what-we never got a phone call from anyone at the church wondering if we were okay, asking how things were with our family-nothing.

I happened to run into my old pastor at the grocery store the other day-he asked when we were going to come back to church then the next sentence out of his mouth was-if we don't start getting people to come back to church we will have to close our doors by spring, we need money. Ummm, I'm thinking you probably won't see me back in the pews of your church any time soon.

I took Dreamsicle to a new church last Sunday. I don't want her growing up without a church family-I used to be the youth leader of my old church for pete's sake! I have done nothing to introduce Christ to her. That became very apparent when she saw a picture of Jesus and asked me who that guy was. That was my wake up call.

If you read this blog and you are a Christian-please pray for me, for my family-that we find our way back. And in the process of finding our way back, that we are protected from the falsehoods that have been following us.

Weekend Update

Dreamsicle and I attended our first Halloween Hollow event on Saturday. It always surprises me that we live in a very, very small community and yet there are numerous events that I never knew took place in our little neck of the woods. Things like the Farmers Market (just discovered that last year), a business expo and now Halloween Hollow. This was a big deal. One of my besties helps coordinate this event and she shared with me that they had 1300 people in attendance on Saturday. 1300! In our little town! At once!

The event consists of having your child/children dress up in their Halloween costumes and visit scores of characters strategically placed in desirable locations on the riverwalk. This year because of the rain, there were no desirable riverwalk locations to be visited, instead we got to visit the ever so fantastic middle school gym. Can I veer off the topic for a moment and ask why, even when no middle school aged child has been sweating in the gym all day the gym still smells like old gym socks and adolescent sweat? Hmmmm?

Anyway-Dreamsicle dressed up in her fairy costume and happily skipped from character to character (even hugging a few which is a huge thing for us-HUGE!) filling her basket with all sorts of goodies along the way. One of the things that I truly appreciated about this event was that the give aways were not just candy. She loaded up on books and coloring books and toothbrushes and toothpaste, little toys and not so much candy. I am totally in love with this event and can't wait until next year to do it all over again.

Go Glamour

Kudos to Glamour Magazine! The November Glamour magazine issue will kick off their new committment to profiling women of all sizes as well as designers that recognize that women come in all shapes and sizes. I haven't purchased a Glamour magazine since I was in my twenties but I will gladly be throwing my hard earned cash at them now.

Raising boys was relatively easy when it came to giving them a positive sense of self. I never really sweated it with them.

Raising Dreamsicle is a different story. I am going to do all that I can to help her feel confident in the body that she has-my greatest hope is that I will be able to instill a sense of self that will make her feel comfortable in her own skin. A pretty lofty goal in today's society.

I hope that other magazines will jump on board once they see the positive response that Glamour has received since making this announcement. Short or Tall, Thin or Not So Thin, we are all women and should be celebrating each other for who we are, not what we look like. And certainly not judging ourselves by a magazine or a designer's idea of what beauty looks like.

SIDS Awareness Month

March 24, 1987 started out as an ordinary day. I had recently gone back to work after giving birth to Angel Baby and Chester. My morning routine usually consisted of getting myself ready, waking up X*Boy and convincing him to eat a bowl of cereal, then waking up the twins and giving them their morning bottles. I usually alternated between babies each morning-waking Angel Baby up first one morning, then Chester the next morning. On this day it was Chester's turn to be served his bottle first. After getting myself and X*Boy ready, I proceeded to feed Chester. The minute I looked into Angel Baby's crib, I knew something wasn't right. It was by the grace of God that McGyver happened to be home that morning. He was in the Marine Corps back in those days and was usually at work by the time I started our morning routine with the kids. I screamed to McGyver to help me and I watched as he picked up our beautiful little boy, who was limp in his arms. While I called 911 McGyver administered CPR. We both knew it was too late, but had still tried so hard to save him.

The first responders confirmed what we already knew-our precious little boy, identical twin to Chester, had passed away at the age of 3 months and 3 weeks.

Before Angel Baby's death, I knew nothing about SIDS. When the coroner called to tell us Angel Baby's cause of death, I collapsed. How could I, his mommy, not have been able to do something to save my own child? It was like a silent stranger had crept into our home sometime the previous night and stolen our baby from us. Not having an answer as to what causes SIDS ate away at me for years after losing Angel Baby.

Thankfully, the years that have passed have found ways to help minimize the risk of losing a baby to SIDS. Who would have ever thought that something as simple as changing the sleeping position of a baby could reduce the number of SIDS related deaths so dramatically? Placing a baby on his/her back while sleeping is now included in the education of new parents. Keeping an uncluttered crib, free from loose blankets, etc is also key. Simple, easy steps to help parents keep their kids safe.

My heart aches every time I hear of another family that has lost a baby to this dreadful, unexplained phenomenon but my heart leaps every time I hear of another positive finding. Hopefully in the near future no family will have to endure the pain that my family has endured.

October is SIDS awareness month, and I wanted to do my part to help raise that awareness by blogging about it. You can help by educating those that you love.

Jumping On The Carousel

At the blog carnival over at (sorry, my linking ability is non-existent) http://www.growninmyheart.com/what-no-one-told-me-about-adoption-carnival-one.

The things No One Told Me About Adoption:

1. No one told me that the very minute I held my daughter for the first time that I would
almost hyperventilate
2. No one told me that our older kids would love their baby sister as much as they do. I fully
expected them to like her but the sheer joy each of them feel every time they see her has
been remarkable.
3. No one told me how truly hard it is to determine whether a behavior is one that is due to
having been institutionalized for the first twelve months of her life or simply Dreamsicle being
herself.
4. No one told me how extremely hard it would be to watch your daughter be overly outgoing
and charming to complete strangers, knowing she was doing it because of her level of
discomfort with the situation but having the strangers think she was just "the cutest little
thing". That wasn't charm, it was pain in disguise.
5. No one ever told me how difficult it would be to get assessments when concerns arise due to
where we live.
6. No one ever told me that I would end up being the disciplinarian in the family for this sweet
girl. The man that raised three sons that we can be proud of, simply cannot reprimand her.
7. No one ever told me how much we have gained by being older parents.

Whose next?

Can We Talk Healthcare?

Those of you that know me in real life know that I own a company that helps with the administrative portion of physician practices. This puts me into a sort of unique position to discuss this issue. I see the results of people who have lost their jobs and thus lost their insurance (keep in mind that we here in the Mitten State have been especially hard hit) every day. The flip side of that is that I see the shrinking reimbursement that my clients are seeing from insurance companies on a daily basis.
Having said all of that I have to tell you that I do not support the plan that is being laid out right now. It shakes me to my very core. Does this make me a bad person? Does this make me a conservative crazy? Heck no. It makes me an American. Someone who sees the struggles that both sides are facing. And in my case, there is actually a third side-that of being a small business owner. A small business owner that can afford to purchase healthcare for me, McGyver and Dreamsicle but not for my employees. This is due to the current regulation that will not allow me to purchase the same low cost plan for my employees that I, as the business owner, can purchase. There are portions of the current plan that excite me-specifically to change the regulation that would allow us to band together with other small business owners to be able to supply our employees with affordable health insurance. There is nothing that would make me happier. But there are far more proposed changes that concern me. The cost to implement this overhaul is a big one. In my opinion, it would be impossible for a plan of this scope and size to not have a price tag associated with it. If that cost isn't absorbed by the taxpayers, is it then expected to be implemented by lowering (yet again) the reimbursement physicians are receiving? It has to come from somewhere folks. I believe that an overhaul of the healthcare system is necessary, but I also believe that something this important deserves much more time to develop. Let's take it slow, keeping open minds and open hearts instead of dividing by party lines.

This Date Will Forever Be Etched In Our Minds

This day, September 11th, will forever be etched in the minds of all Americans. I can still remember where I was-getting ready for a staff meeting-when suddenly one of my co-workers entered the conference room with such a shocked look on her face that I knew immediately something terrible had happened. She could not speak, I thought tragedy must have struck her family. She finally whispered a plea-turn on the television...please...turn on the television. I found the remote, powered the television on just in time to see the 2nd plane hit the Tower. Right then other staff members began entering the conference room-eyes glued to the tv. No one could speak. Tears began to flow. Soon, the entire 75 person staff was crowded into the conference room-trying to understand what had happened. Who could have possibly held such hatred for our country that they would want to kill thousands of innocent people? We sat there that morning and began to pray. We closed the office early that day, I know that everyone wanted to get home to their families just as badly as I did that day. When I arrived home, my boys were shaken-filled with questions. I can remember being very careful with the answers I gave them to the questions they asked. I am certain that the effects of having lived through 09/11/01 shaped my boys view of the world.
I was a chaperone for Chester's New York, Washington DC Senior Trip. One of the areas that we visited was the 09/11 site. While many of his classmates seemed to view the site much like any other historic site I sat back and watched my son stand solemnly at that big gaping hole. He removed his ball cap and whispered oh so quietly "we will never forget".
The following September 11 found my son at his first day of bootcamp. He could not forget. He felt that it was his duty to help contribute to the ongoing protection of this great country of ours. Four years and two tours in Iraq have taken place since that time. Today is the last official day of Chester's enlistment in the United States Marine Corps. We are so proud of the time he served and so thankful that he is home safe with us. The fact that he is home safe with us on today of all days is not lost on any of us. Today I thank everyone who has ever served or is currently serving in our military. And I pray for our collective family of Americans-that we never forget.

Random

I am going to work on changing the background of my blog this weekend. I opened it up today and realized that it looks a little dark and depressing-which is not who I normally am. I think I went through a dark and depressing phase with the loss of Grumpy Old Man but hey-I see the light-just in time for Fall to hit the Mitten State-which means that light will become scarce soon. Speaking of Fall, for some unknown reason I am excited for Fall this year. I am actually giddy with the thought of dressing Dreamsicle in her yummy sweaters, being able to visit an orchard and carve a pumpkin. This is the first year that I have set out Halloween decorations since Dreamsicle joined our family-in the years past she was just too timid and would not have been able to tolerate any type of scary looking (albeit fun scary) stuff hanging around the house. Not so looking forward to the white stuff that blankets our State after the Fall but I do have the Disney trip to look forward to in December so that will help. Speaking of Disney-I may be just a tad bit too excited for this trip. I have already loaded the camper for our December trip! I know it is early, but I just couldn't resist. We just need to add our toiletries and food and we can be on our way. In my defense-if you have ever tried to clean and load a camper in the middle of winter here in the Mitten State you would totally understand why I decided to undertake that project right now.
McGyver and Chester are OOT bear hunting until Sunday. Dreamsicle and I jumped into our jammies yesterday when we got home from work/daycare and lounged around all night long watching cartoons and eating junk food. It was extremely relaxing and so nice just to snuggle with my big girl. She has her pre-school open house tonight which she is totally stoked for. She starts school next Monday. Leave it to me to have scheduled an uber important loaded with future possibilities meeting for the morning of the first day of her preschool-she goes in the afternoon so I am hoping I can race back in time to take her. Those of you that know McGyver know that he is super cool but could not possibly tackle a pony tail to save his life. Well, he would tackle it, but I am not so sure what the result would look like. Dreamsicle's hair is still baby fine so if you don't use product you can't do anything with it.
Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers for the Monday uber important loaded with possibilities in the future meeting if you would please-I am more than ready to take our business to the next level!

How Old Am I?

Ever since I hit my forties, I cannot seem to remember how old I am. I always seem to think I am a year older than I really am-this causes my younger than me by two years sister much stress as she is constantly having to figure out if she is really as old as I am saying or not. Today is my birthday and she posted a comment on my facebook wall wishing me a Happy Birthday and asking that very question..now how old are you?

August Happenings

Today is McGyver's birthday. I love that man more today than I did the day we got married. He is so cool. We will be celebrating with "choc-it" cake cuz daddy loves "choc-it"and ice cream sundaes. Dreamsicle is set on the sundaes-must have the sour cream (whipped cream but she always calls it sour cream-He!) and the bananas to put on the ice cream.

Chester is home and I have already put him to work in the office. It feels so good to see his mug every day.

Dreamsicle had her four year check up yesterday. She ended up needing four immunizations. Thankfully she did not run a fever. She did however swear that she would never be able to walk again (my yegs mama-they made my yegs not work no more!). She did manage to make it out of her bedroom this morning, draggin one leg behind to give me a kiss goodbye so we will see if I need to buy her a wheelchair this afternoon LOL-such drama from the little sweetie. I didn't have the heart to tell her that she would be having to re-visit the ped's office in a few months for a flu shot-we will just let that one rest for now...

Take The Long Way Home

I received a call this morning letting me know that Chester was headed to the airport for the very last time. On his way to begin winging his way home. I was positively giddy when I got off the phone with him. He called a little later to tell me that instead of arriving at 10:30 his flight would be arriving at 11:00. No biggie-I can keep my peepers open for 30 minutes longer than expected in order to see my son arrive home. Weeeeelll, that was not to be. Turns out his flight that was delayed in Palm Springs was going to arrive in Dallas with only a 5 minute window for Chester to make his connecting flight. So they kindly rebooked him in Palm Springs before his flight took off. Rebooked his connecting flight. The one from Dallas to the Mitten State. The one that would have had him arriving tonight. The one that will now force him to spend the entire night in the airport in Dallas and not arrive in the Mitten State until tomorrow afternoon. *Sob* I know it is only a 12 hour difference but after waiting four years for this very day, 12 hours seems like an eternity.

Back To The Land Of The Living

I finally broke down yesterday and hauled my snotty self to the doctor. My doctor opened the door to the exam room and said OMG-you have a brutal sinus infection. I thought she could read my mind but turns out the fact that my face is swollen to twice the size it normally is clued her in. So I'm on antibiotics twice a day. This evening I actually feel like I just might live. Strange-being as sick as I was. I don't do sick. I usually power through whatever ails me but this seriously kicked my behind. Dreamsicle and I ventured out this afternoon to the local farmers market. We loaded up on fresh fruit and have spent the evening cleaning and consuming it.

In exactly 4 sleeps Chester will board a plane from California bound for the Mitten State. For. The. Last. Time. Evah. Dreamsicle is so excited she can hardly contain herself. She keeps practicing her "rock star hands" and singing twinkle twinkle little s*tar in her best rock star low voice in preparation for his arrival. He taught her that when he was home for Grumpy Old Man's funeral and she has not forgotten it.

Since we were gone for Dreamsicle's birthday, we are going to celebrate it on our Metcha day instead. I am so excited that Chester gets to be a part of it. It will truly make the day even that much more special.

I'm So Dizzy-My Head Is Spinning

Betcha thought this post was going to find me breaking out in song, didn't you? Nope. But the title describes how I feel right now perfectly. Add feverish and firey lungs to the mix and that is me. Yuck. Big headache on top of everything else too. I know I need to rest and sleep but people, I have been out of the office so much lately that it is not in the cards for me to stay at home and nappy-nap all day. I will admit, it was hard for me not to jump back under my covers this morning, I swear I heard my bed actually calling my name "come back Mrs McGyver, it is all warm and comfy and your pillow still has the dent in it from your head". Did you hear that? No? Must be the dizzy, head spinny thing I've got going on then.

Being sick in my house is never easy. Dreamsicle is hyper sensitive anyway and when her mama doesn't feel good-she comes unglued. Saying goodbye to her this morning was awful. She was begging me to just hold her and "schnuggle" so that she could make me feel better. My little sweetie-if hugs could cure me, I'd be dancing right now.

Planes, Trains and Automobiles

When I made our travel arrangements to come down here, I had booked our stay to return home last Tuesday. As you all know by now, Pixie's surgery got pushed back which forced me to need to change our return flight. Dreamsicle and I had traveled down here on United. I purchased the travel insurance (something that I never do) because when I read the types of situations the travel insurance covered it specifically stated that it would protect you from having to pay an extra fee should your plans change due to an unexpected serious illness of a family member. Feeling like I was armed with a serious illness of a family member (malignant melanoma certainly wouldn't fall into the category of an appendectomy for goodness sakes) I called United to change our return flight. They first told me that I would be hit with a $150.00 per person change fee. I was actually okay with that-then the agent proceeded to tell me that I would be responsible for the difference in the price of the flight. Guess how much the difference in the flight was...just guess..$1300.00! Yep they tried to tell me that it would cost an additional $1500.00 to get Dreamsicle and I home if we wanted to change our flight. I spoke with the most unhelpful supervisor I have ever dealt with in my life after the agent told me that. Both stuck to their written script-you have to pay that money up front then request a refund from United. Travel insurance, pavel insurance-it did not matter. At this point I was seriously hyperventilating. Keep in mind that I paid out the nose to get here since I purchased our tickets on the same day that we traveled. I could not get myself to give the go ahead for them to charge me an additional $1500.00 Since I had rented a car I called McGyver to see if he would be down with me taking a leisurely drive back to the Mitten State with Dreamsicle because it would be considerably cheaper. He wasn't having any of that and told me to pay what I had to pay to make sure we were here for Pixie's surgery. I got on line and just for kicks and giggles got on the United website, typed in the date I wanted to travel home and low and behold-I could purchase two one way tickets for $422.00 each. Ummmmm, yeah. Considerably less than the $1500.00 they wanted to charge me for the change fee, no? I decided right then and there that I would not be giving United Airlines any more of my money and purchased two one way tickets home from Northwest for a slightly lower price than the $422.00. I can tell you this, I will never fly United again if I have any other alternative.

Pixie Update

We returned home from the hospital a few hours ago. Pixie came through the surgery well. They feel that they were able to remove all of the cancerous cells, they went deeper and wider than they originally planned just to make certain that they didn't leave anything dangerous behind. We now wait for the pathology report to come back on Friday but we are confident that it is going to come back clear.

Thank you for all of your prayers, we know she was covered with them today.

Pay It Forward

I have been thinking alot lately about the generosity of friends and strangers. We have seen some pretty dark days in our family over the course of the last two months and yet there have been bright spots that appear out of nowhere. Friends who stop by unannounced to pick up Dreamsicle and let her play with other kids, friends who answer their phone, drop their plans and make sure that Dreamsicle has days filled with fun. Strangers who make the commitment to keep our family in their prayers, send cards and well wishes.

All of this has me wanting to issue a challenge to all of you. You all know about paying it forward, but how many of you ever really do it? My challenge is that tomorrow anyone reading this blog do something nice for someone else. Whether it is holding a door for someone, buying the next person in line's coffee, dropping a meal off to someone facing unemployment or poor health or stopping and seeing someone you know could use the company-let's all be good neighbors tomorrow and do something to brighten someone else's day.

Today

I am sitting in the living room of Pixie and U*Haul's house, just chillin' with Pixie and the kids today. I am so blessed to have such an "easy" relationship with my daughter in love. She really is so much more than that title allows. She is my daughter. I love her as much as I love my four children. Truly, deeply, and forever. I have kept the fam running since we have been down here but really feel like she needed to have some "down" time yesterday and today to help her body to rest for tomorrow's surgery. We will go somewhere for dinner tonight so that she can have some of her beloved steak, then call it an early night in preparation for tomorrow. I changed our flight home so that we can be here until Saturday. I am so glad I did. Not knowing what the next few days has in store for her, I want to be here to help care for the Lil Pea if necessary. Please keep her in your prayers tomorrow. That is exactly where she needs to be.

Dreamsicle's Big Birthday Trip-Now Complete with More Shampu!

Yesterday I blinked and our baby turned toddler turned into a big girl. I swear, it happened that fast. Dreamsicle turned four yesterday! U*Haul and Pixie live about three hours away from Orlando so we decided that we would get up earlier than anyone really ever should have to and make the trek to Sea World. Am I ever glad we did! The day started out with us sitting in the stands for the first Sham*u performance of the day. Dreamsicle was amazed. After that we went to the kiddie section of Sea World where U*Haul proceeded to win Dreamsicle a HUGE Sham*u. Dreamsicle was super excited and yelled thanks U*Haul-I love my Shampu! Yep, the name has now stuck. My daugher will be the one in the airport carrying a 3 foot Shampu home with her. Every show that we watched seemed to build on the one before so by the time we watched the whale and dolphin show my big girl was standing on her feet, hands on her mouth (when she wasn't busy clapping) completely immersed by joy. I do not have the words to describe how happy my heart was yesterday. Being able to spend her birthday with U*Haul, Pixie and Lil Pea was so special. The only thing missing was McGyver. My plan right now is to wait until Chester comes home later this month then have another birthday celebration with McGyver, Chester and X*Boy in attendance. After all, what little girl wouldn't love to be able to eat cake twice?

Jacksonville Zoo

Pixie, Lil Pea, Dreamsicle and I headed out to the Jacksonville Zoo this afternoon. Thankfully the zoo membership that we have back in the Mitten State has a reciprocity agreement with the Jacksonville Zoo so it was cheap-o for us to get in. I LOVED this zoo! Dreamsicle was in awe-I have some great pic's of her feeding the giraffe. She thought she was in heaven. I think I am going to add a membership to the list of Christmas gifts for the U*Haul family. We had such a great time-the perfect thing to help keep smiles on our faces while we pile through the ick. We plan on heading up to Savannah tomorrow and Sea World on Sunday. It is hard knowing that Dreamsicle will be spending her birthday without her Daddy on Sunday but we plan on making it a special day any way.

Got Sunscreen?

It is still a little difficult for me to wrap my head around the fact that Pixie is dealing with melanoma. We are confident that once she has her surgery she will recover completely. But I am filled with anger. Pixie was one of the hundreds of thousands that bought into the lie the tanning industry spews regarding the relative "safety" of using tanning beds. Safety? Where is her safety now? Because of the choices that she made (and let's face it, there aren't many teenage/young twenty something's that don't make the same choices) her risk for reoccurence are great. We put warning labels on alcohol and cigarettes but allow our young women to consistenly put themselves at risk on a daily basis by encouraging this vision that we have that you have to be golden brown to be considered desirable and healthy. When in fact, the complete opposite is true. I will never look at someone with a tan in the same way ever again. Our Pixie has a son to raise, a husband who needs his wife, and a family that cannot imagine life without her. Thankfully her prognosis is excellent, but the risk factor will always be there-lurking just underneath the surface. From this moment on, I pledge to never leave my home without sun protection. I vow to maintain the vigil that I already have in place with Dreamsicle-even when she is 15 and desperate to follow her friends this is one fight I won't back down from. Hopefully by instilling in her right now good sun protection habits there won't be a fight-but if there is-I love her too much to allow her to make choices that could have a lifetime of unintended consequences all in the name of vanity.
So, I have my sunscreen, do you have yours?

My Sweet Pixie

Yep, the hits just keep coming in the McGyver family. Just when we were beginning to find a new rhythm, we have been thrown a curve-ball. I received a call yesterday from U*Haul. Dreamsicle and I were on a plane headed down to Georgia 5 hours later. Pixie had a few moles removed last week, only to find that one of them was cancerous. My sweet Pixie had a malignant melanoma on her neck. When the call came from the dermatologist with the news, he told her that she needed to have surgery today. They stressed that swift aggressive action was necessary so Dreamsicle and I flew down to help in any way that we can. When Pixie met with the surgeon this morning, he felt that the surgery was too complex to perform in the manner that was originally planned so she is now scheduled for surgery next Wednesday. We will stay here and get my sweeties through this rough patch. In the mean time, it is so good to spend time with the three of them. It has been a joy to fall in love all over again with the Little Pea-he has grown so much that he is now only 5 pounds less than Dreamsicle! Please keep our precious Pixie, U*Haul and Little Pea in your prayers.

Family

This past weekend found us in a campground surrounded by all of our favorite peeps-our extended family. Once a year we get together for a camping/family reunion weekend. This year even included my cousins that I haven't seen in years! I consider myself so blessed to have such a great group of people that I enjoy so much (enough to spend an entire weekend with-HA!). I seriously am related to some of the best. cooks. evah. The food on Saturday was delish and the opportunity to catch up with my aunts, cousins and cousins kids was priceless. I tend to giggle a lot listening to everybody which makes my heart happy-something I desperately need right now. We all missed my Aunt S and Uncle H and their kids this year and I truly hope that sometime within the next few years we will be able to see all of that family again. Sorry for the lack of pictures Aunt S-I forgot my camera at home!

Santa made a surprise visit to the campground via his golf cart-Dreamsicle could not believe her eyes when the Jolly Old Elf appeared. She has not stopped talking about him since.

I was sad that none of my boys were there but we are gearing up for a trip to Disney in December that will serve as our nuclear family reunion. After watching the way Dreamsicle opened up with Santa, I cannot wait to see what she is going to be like with the characters this visit.

My Military Men

We received a call from Chester yesterday letting us know that instead of having to wait until September 11th for his enlistment to be complete, he is going to be home in the middle of August! He has enough leave on the books to allow for this to happen. I am so happy! As proud as I am of his service to our country, I am so ready to have him home. Home-where the worries are minimal and he can begin the next chapter in his life.

Speaking of proud, U*Haul has been selected as the Blue Jacket Sailor of the quarter for his division. This was quite an honor for someone who has not even reached the two year mark of his military career. Way to go U*Haul!

Shy Girl

I love my Dreamsicle. She is gentle and kind. She is also shy. The past year has seen her make tremendous progress in opening up but there are still situations that pop up where she really becomes uncomfortable. I struggle with how to help her overcome this since I am the exact opposite. People have called me alot of things over the years but shy has never been one of them.

We had lesson 2 of 5 mandarin lessons yesterday. The first week she volunteered to help the teacher out while telling a story, yesterday she volunteered to wear the "birthday crown" while the teacher was explaining how birthdays are celebrated in China. Imagine my surprise when my girl who is my heart, who excitedly volunteered to where the crown and stand next to the teacher burst into tears when people starting singing Happy Birthday to her in Mandarin! She was so uncomfortable it made my heart ache and she ran back into my arms for comfort. How does a Mama who would have been cupping her hand to her ear telling everyone "sing it louder baby!" if I had been standing up there, help her shy girl tackle these kinds of situations?

How We Spent 4th of July

I know, look at me-two posts in one day!

We made the decision to head to the UP for the long holiday weekend. The town that GOM has a home in up there still puts on a 4th of July celebration like they used to back in the "good old days". The fireworks were held on July 3rd and I loved the fact that we could park on main street and tote a cooler of our favorite beverages to the town park where every one else had gathered to watch the night time sky be lit by reds, greens and blues. I did quite a bit of coaching this year in preparation for the fireworks with Dreamsicle. You may recall that she shut down two years ago while watching them and last year forced us to leave the display early-she simply could not handle the noise and the colors freaked her out. I hit pay dirt when I told her that this year we would watch them with everyone else (pointing out a number of smaller children that were in attendance) and that if she could sit and enjoy them we would include a trip to the Magic Kingdom at night to watch the fireworks over Cinderella's castle and watch Tinkerbell fly when we take our trip to Disney. That is all that it took-she was oohing and aahing with the best of them! The next day found us at the parade then back down to the community park where there was food/games and lots of socializing taking place. Dreamsicle had a ball. It was a nice break from all of the sadness lately.

Is it really the middle of July?

I am seriously surprised by the date today. Funny what happens to your mind when you are dealing with grief. Perhaps I should clarify that to say funny what happens to *my* mind when I am dealing with grief. I have learned to live by the mantra take one day at a time, don't look too far forward or things become unmanageable. I miss our Grumpy Old Man. I am sad that we didn't really get to say goodbye due to the circumstances that surrounded his death. And just when you think you have a handle on life, you have to begin to handle his affairs. And the greed and ugliness in people starts to begin. I truly hate that part. My parents were not wealthy. My Dad left a treasure to each of his four children and thankfully my Mom is still alive. Having experienced the ick that went along with his death I decided that any material goods that my Mom had, I did not want-except for a broken down jewelry box that I used to love to play with when I was small and the hutch she has in her home now so that I can hand it down to Dreamsicle. I asked her to amend her will so that I do not have to deal with any of the craziness that is bound to happen when she passes. Watching McGyver go through what he is going through right now has solidified my decision.

If you are reading this, please do me a favor and remember this-your parents owe you nothing. You make your own way in this life, and you should not "expect" anything. You are not "owed" large insurance policies, retirement funds or the right to sell the personal property of your loved one that passed away for your personal gain. And if you don't agree with me, I strongly urge you to take a long look at your inner being. Greedy is not how I ever want to be remembered.

Back to Everyday Life

The memorial service for Grumpy Old Man was beautiful. I actually managed to get through the eulogy without crying and it was so wonderful to see all of the people that came to pay their last respects to him. Mcgyver heard many stories about his father as he was growing up that GOM's childhood friends shared with him.

And my friends. I do not have words to describe how much I value and appreciate them. Since the memorial service was held at our home, I fully intended on pulling out my usual Mar*tha Ste*wart and taking care of everyone. My friends had other plans for me. They completely took over-preparing food, filling dishes when they got low-washing dishes to give back to people who had so thoughtfully brought a dish to pass-all the while insisting that I focus on my family. They were angels in bodies that day let me tell you.

Yesterday found me back into the mix at the office. It felt good to focus on work. This week is going to fly by as we have a few major presentations happening on Thursday then the long weekend.

And I am doing something positive-beginning to make preparations for a trip to Dis*ney-the one place that we all seem to run to when we need our batteries re-charged. Where else would a crazy family like ours go except to the "Happiest Place on Earth" to spend time together and heal?

Father's Day

Father's Day will forever be a bittersweet day in the McGyver house from now on. Grumpy Old Man lost his fight shortly after midnight yesterday. It was terribly hard to let him go, for McGyver to have to say good bye to his father on this day of all days. But at the same time, it was appropriate that GOM would meet his Heavenly Father on this day.

Grumpy Old Man was a no nonsense kind of guy. He did not want a funeral. Instead, we will honor him with a memorial service at our home on Saturday, followed by one of his favorite activities-a fish fry.

We will eat the fish that GOM would spend every winter catching for just such an occasion-a celebration of a life well lived, a way to honor an honorable man.

Rest in peace Grumpy Old Man, you will be missed.

Day 9

Things have gone from bad to worse. Grumpy Old Man is losing his battle with this illness that came on so suddenly and refuses to loosen its grip.

I cannot believe how unbearably hard it is to watch my McGyver, my rock-have to come to grips with the eventual outcome of all of this.

Please keep us in your prayers and for a quick passing of our dear GOM.

Day 8

This waiting is torture. Nothing new to report, platelets refuse to budge. It seems as if they correct one thing and another thing happens. The walk on the tight rope continues

Day 6

The vigil continues. Today's chest x-ray showed marked improvement. Ventilator settings have been reduced. Both positives. Unable to remove the vent until platelets come up just in case the Grumpy Old Man (GOM) has another setback-removing it now could prove to be fatal. Platelets still not budging. Do you think it is possible that my GOM's platelets are just as stubborn and grumpy as he is? Perhaps I should change his name to Grumpy Old Platelet Man LOL.

The healthcare team has decided that this course of treatment is not working so they are changing some things up today.

Baby steps forward-I'll take them as long as we continue to move in the right direction

Day 5

It is day 5 of the hospital vigil for the Grumpy Old Man. I never thought I would say that I am happy to have spent 5 days in the hospital but when you have a critically ill loved one, you pray for another minute, another hour, another day. With each passing hour, we all try to will his body to fight-if our mental energy that is being expended could heal him, I guarantee you that he would be walking out the door of the hospital today. But it can't. So we wait, we pray, and we beg the blood in his body to stop fighting itself and start regenerating. We have been fortunate enough to be able to rent a room at this hospital's version of a Ronald McDonald house for grown-ups. McGyver won't leave his dad's room to sleep but it has allowed me, Dreamsicle and some other family members some respite each day.

And so the vigil continues...

Prayers Please

Tonight I am typing this from the 5th floor of a local hospital as my father in law lies in a bed near me. He is on life support. Thursday, he was out looking for a jeep to purchase with McGyver. Friday morning our worlds changed. He has developed a very rare illness which has left him with virtually no platelets. Without getting into to much detail, the efforts they have put in place are vast, please keep my Grumpy Old Man in your thoughts and prayers, he needs all of the back up he can get.

It's Not Always Easy

Dreamsicle has been such an easy child to take care of. Partly because we are "seasoned" parents, partly because we knew what to expect and were able to roll with the ups and downs that first year. This second year of her being part of her forever family has been smooth, easy sailing. Until now.

Dreamsicle is a perfectionist. With a capital P. She must have order in her life, at all costs. We try extremely hard to keep that order, that sense of normalcy and routine for her. With all of the changes that have occurred in our family recently she has regressed. Almost back to when we first came home.

I can't lie-this is tearing me up.

The birth of the little Pea was the first thing to rock her world, then U*Haul came home for a brief visit, then U*Haul, Little Pea and Pixie left her universe. Add to that the fact that Chester came home, we went camping last weekend in a new trailer, and new people/faces are showing up at the house to see Chester and you begin to get the picture of what amounts to massive amounts of change for my 3.5 year old beauty.

So I have a little cling-on who is a teary mess and begging me not to leave her side.

Back to attachment parenting 101 which we will happily do but it is heartbreaking to watch her suffer

The Day We (Almost) Missed Chester...

Last Friday Chester arrived back in the Mitten State safe and sound. We (almost) missed him. Allow me to take you back to the moment of his arrival from his first deployment. He arrived in the middle of the night, it is an hour drive to the airport from our home. Needless to say, waking up a two year old (at the time), gathering all of our welcome home signs, etc and heading out to begin the drive to the airport was extremely hectic. His plane arrived a few minutes early so he called us from the Tarmac where I proceeded to shout at him "don't you dare walk down that hall until we get into the airport!" After 3-4 additional phone calls I felt comfortable that everyone was in the perfect Kodak position and allowed him to get off of the plane.

Fast forward to his arrival last Friday. We learned our lesson from the first time oh yes we did. We arrived at the airport a full 30 minutes before his plane was scheduled to land. We were so early that I decided I could bop on over to the Star*bucks on the other side of the airport to grab us some coffee. At the same time Aunt Genious took Dreamsicle to the bathroom. Imagine my surprise when 20 minutes later I come back to McGyver looking like the cat that swallowed the canary. I noticed strange people hanging around the table we had commandeered but thought they must be the family from the other Marine that was flying in with Chester. One of them seemed to be reading one of the signs we had made and he was holding it awfully close to his face. Imagine my surprise when the sign was put down and sitting in the chair was Chester!

His plane had arrived right when we were pulling in to the airport. Early again! This time he thought he would be smart and wait up near the jetway until his scheduled arrival time to keep his mom from having a heart attack again. The only problem with that plan was that he thought the time he was supposed to arrive was earlier than he had told us. So, he got off the plane, walked down the hall and entered the airport to be greeted by....McGyver.

So glad that he is getting out of the Marine Corps in August-I don't think my heart could take it.

Mama I'm Home

The sweetest words I have heard in a very long time came from Chester's mouth on Friday. He called me from Germany, then from Maine, then from Marsh Airbase, then the final call-from the parade grounds at 29 palms as soon as he got off the bus. There was such happiness in his voice, and a sense of....relief. He was met by his buddies that arrived home a few weeks earlier with the advanced team so one of them handed him his cell phone, told him to call his Mama then handed him a beer and welcomed him home. He will be arriving in the Mitten State next Friday morning-I am counting the hours until I get to actually touch him again. Although it was much calmer where he was this time versus the last time, knowing that your son is in harm's way adds this weight to your shoulders that you become so accustomed to carrying around. So much so that when you no longer have to carry that weight you don't know what to do. Worry has secretly been my closest friend for the past 7 months. I said goodbye to that friend this weekend. I actually feel lighter, more free-happier. It is a strange sensation to try to put into words for people who haven't experienced it. To my sweet friend H who has a son who just went over to defend our Country in the other land so far away-I'm here for you sister. Day or Night. When the worry sets in, I will listen. And I promise that one day you will have that weight lifted off of your shoulders as well

Chester in on his way home!!

Just a quick update to let everyone know that Chester is on his way home from Iraq! I should be receiving a call from him either today or tomorrow letting me know that he is back in California.

Thank you so much to all of the prayer warriors that have covered Chester in prayer for the past 7 months, by the grace of God my baby is coming home!!

I Survived...

Last night was quite the experience with Dreamsicle. We had seen Dis*ney On Ice a few months ago so I was fully expecting the evening to go much the same. Boy was I wrong.

We hit the front door to the Arena and Dreamsicle turned into a completely different girl! She is usually a very happy little thing but is somewhat reserved. Last night she lost every ounce of inhibition in her 3 year old little body. I agreed to let her choose one souvenior to purchase. As we patiently waited in line I was watching little girl after little girl choose plush Do*ra's, plush Bo*ots or the Backpack. My kid gets up there and giddily requests to have "the boy". She couldn't get Di*ego into her arms fast enough. (thankfully no large foam cut out figures were available).

We got to our seats and the music started. For the next 1.5 hours my daughter laughed, yelled, jumped up and down and could not get enough. It was hysterical.

She fell asleep on the way home, holding onto Di*ego so tight I thought she could very possibly break his neck. She woke up this morning telling me she had a happy dream. When I asked her what it was about she told me she had a dream about Di*ego the boy. Yikes-I think perhaps I won't share that information with McGyver.

Update on the Fam

McGyver and McGyver's Papa successfully moved U*Haul, Pixie and Lil Pea to Georgia. They moved into their new place and found out they had no water. McGyver pulled a typical McGyver move using a neighbor's outside spicket and was able to rig a temporary solution up so that they would have water until the city decides to come out and correct the problem.

Chester will be arriving back in the States by the end of the week! Did you hear that people? My middle son, my tender hearted boy has fulfilled his 2nd tour of duty in Iraq. There will be no sweeter words that I will ever hear than when I hear him tell me that he is home.

X*Boy is working mad hours at the office and doing so well! I am so proud of him.

Dreamsicle and I will be going to see D*ora the Ex*plorer tonight so remind me to stay strong and not cave into her little eyes peering up at me asking me to buy her some ridiculously over priced souvenior. If you see someone carrying a large foam D*ora cutout-that will probably be me...

My Glass Is Half Full

U*Haul, Pixie and Lil Pea left yesterday to begin their journey to Georgia. After more than a year of being married, they are finally starting their life together as a family. McGyver and McGyver's Papa are hauling all of their wordly possessions down for them so Dreamsicle and I are fending for ourselves for a few days. I moved all of Dreamsicle's toys from the various places in the house (the living room, her bedroom, the basement) into what used to be Pixie's bedroom. Now Dreamsicle has a playroom and she is so happy! And sad! Seriously, she is really trying to work it out in her head. She was so used to having Pixie and Lil Pea there that this has rocked her 3 year old world. I keep telling her that soon the two of us will hop on a plane and head down to see them-I am sure that will help her-but until then we have some ups and downs to work through. Not having the little chunk-a-monk here is pretty wierd though. Gone with him is every last bit of baby from our house. No more high chair, no more jumperoo, no more crib. For the last 3 years I have lived in baby land-first with Dreamsicle then with Lil Pea so it does seem strange to have the house stripped so suddenly.

Carrots For Breakfast

Yesterday I spent a little extra time with Dreamsicle in the morning so I was able to prepare her breakfast. Imagine my surprise when I asked her what she would like me to cook and she chose carrots! Yep, my girl wanted carrots for breakfast. Add a juice box and a go-gurt and she was in heaven.

Mama Musings

It still gets to me. Dreamsicle is an insomniac, just like her mama. I have lost count of the times that I will wake up in the middle of the night, slowly push back the covers as to not awaken a slumbering McGyver and make my way to the computer which is located in the loft, directly outside of our bedroom. Soon, just like clockwork, I will hear the gentle tapping of Dreamsicle's feet as she makes her way up to the loft. When she hits the step that allows her vision to crest the top of the staircase, she gives me an expectant look-almost as if to say-what took you so long to come out here? She will crawl up into my lap with her lovey, stroke my face as I silently kiss her head over and over-being certain to breathe in her scent for I know that far too quickly these precious moments of bonding will be over. She will continue to grow and will not require this level of reassurance which I know is a good thing. But for now, I cherish those late night/early morning cuddles, perhaps I need them just as much as she does.

Random

I wish I had beautiful Easter morning pictures to share with all of you but I don't. Dreamsicle made an early morning appearance that morning and all of the frivolity occurred while still dressed in a t-shirt one size too small and leggings one size too large (her outfit of choice to sleep in the previous night), a serious case of bed head and no time to be bothered to stop long enough for her mama to get a good shot.

You will have to take my word for it-she had a great time. She really dug looking for the eggs and could not believe the luck of a 3.5 year old when her eyes rested on the dark chocolate goodness molded into the shape of a bunny.

Things have been hectic around the mitten state. We are trying to wrap our minds around the fact that in a few short weeks our Lil Pea will be traveling to Georgia to live with his mama and daddy. It is hard to believe that it will be the first time he will live with his daddy and though we are overjoyed the kids finally get to be a family, we sure are going to miss the smiley shorty. We are also gearing up for the soonish arrival back on US soil of Chester-yippee! You all have no idea how happy my heart will be when he finally lands. Knowing that I will not have that worry to contend with again certainly will make for some peacefull sleeping.

G-ma and Poppa will be arriving back in the mitten state in a few short hours-Dreamsicle is about jumping out of her skin as she waits for them to make their appearance at our house. I am kind of thinking of putting sunglasses on when I first see them. Seeing them all tan and relaxed from the winter of sun and leisure just might make me a little green-eyed with envy.

Bad Dreams

Dreamsicle woke up last night after a bad dream. I heard her yelling in her room. From my bedroom it sounded like she was yelling, run from the tatoes! Hurry, hurry! The next thing I knew she was running into our bedroom, soaked in sweat. I scooped her up and wiped away her "eye drips" and asked her if she had a bad dream. She told me yes and we proceeded to talk about it. Apparently she had a bad dream about food. Those dog gone carrots and potatoes were chasing her and she couldn't get away. Anyone care to analyze that dream?

McGyver swears it must have been due to her recent viewing of a few Sp*onge B*ob S*quare-Pants episodes-he thought Sp*onge B*ob was some type of vegetable. Hmmmmm.

Funny What A Little Exercise Will Do

As you can probably tell, I have been stuck in a rut. I forced myself to drag my big old bootie to the gym every day of this week and I am already starting to feel better. Moving my body and the increase in temperatures is certainly helping with my disposition-thank goodness!

Angel On My Mind

Ahhh, the day I dread all year long has somehow snuck up on me. I don't dwell on this date, but somehow my body always knows when March 24th rolls around. This weekend I felt anxious, restless even. I started becoming ugly to the fam on Monday. Today I got to work and felt this wave of nausea, this building of emotion that resulted in my having to close my door and allow myself relief in the form of tears. As I was trying to pull myself together, I was trying to think of what could have possibly triggered this flood of emotion. Then it happened. I looked at the calender. Suddenly everything made sense. Today is the day that my 2nd born passed away. No matter how many years go by, that wave of overwhelming sadness seems to envelope me. *sigh* Grief is a funny thing. You never get over it, you just get used to it.

Recap of Vegas

As some of you know (if you follow me on facebook), I had quite the interesting trip to Vegas. In the airport on the way down, I was sitting next to a man who was breathing into a paperbag as we waited to board our plane. I then got sandwiched in between two of the heaviest, sweatiest men I have ever met from Chicago to Vegas. I literally ran to my room once I got my room key just to take a shower. No joke-the stench was awful. Speaking of stench, sat next to someone who had mad gas for the entire day one full day at the conference. Silent but deadly all day long. I think I may have turned a little green by the end of the day. I wanted to check out the pool at the hotel I was staying at, imagine my surprise when I ended up the "clothing optional" pool by mistake! I had to get up super early to catch my flight home. As I was leaving the hotel at 3:30 am I was standing in the taxi line along with alot of young adults. They had been clubbing all night. How do I know this? Might have been when the girl wearing the veil, surrounded by her friends who were actually helping her stay vertical, face planted on the asphalt as she tried to get in the cab-took 4 of her friends down with her. Or the girl who ran from behind me to try to help them, all the while still holding onto an ice pack the hotel had given her to help with the swelling of the black eye she received while at the club. Hmmm, wonder how they all felt the next afternoon. Anyway, it was a good conference and made lots of good contacts. Next time I go I'll try to remember to bring a face mask and elbow pads...

This Week

Started off pretty horrible. Work stuff mostly which seems to be sorting itself out. Merging two companies has certainly had both blessings and challenges. Let's just leave it at that.

We all have been sick in the McGyver house since Sunday. Each with a different virus-this freaks me out to no end~ I will have you know. I just keep having visions of catching the other two forms of illness running rampant through my home, yuck. If I help wash Dreamsicle's hands any more she has informed me that they will most certainly fall off her body.

I keep trying to look forward to the end of the week when I leave for Vegas. Things being what they are, McGyver has cancelled his portion of the trip so I'm on my own this time 'round. Long conference days should keep me busy and it might do me some good to just be able to catch up on a good book and rest during my off time. Hopefully Ms Ginger will be in town while I am there so I can catch up with my multi state living sista.

Just to make you smile-imagine my three year old singing the title track to Mama Mia and dancing the entire way through it. Over. and over. and over. and over. Her day care provider has the DVD and has obviously allowed the little three year old fashionista's to view it on more than one occasion. It does make me smile.

Ugh

I am sick. And tired. No really-I am sick and tired. But then, there is the other kind of sick and tired which I am in the throes of as well. So much deceit, so much anxiety. So much....

Can you all who know me in real life do me one small favor please? PLEASE?

Be who you say you are, do what you say you are going to do, don't hide in the shadows and please above everything else-just. be. honest.

Thank you.

Big Daddy

Yep, that is what Dreamsicle is now calling McGyver. I have no idea where she picked that one up but it is so hysterical (and so fitting). McGyver went away for the night on Saturday. She woke up Sunday morning wondering where her "Big Daddy" was. McGyver is 5'11" but is very big so it is totally appropriate for my littlest of little girls to think of him in that context. He is so stuck with that name from now on. Ha!

Dreamsicle and I had an action packed weekend. I took the day off from work on Friday and we met with some of our playgroup at a place called Play*World. An entire building of bouncy houses and slides, games and more! She had a blast. The only bad thing was that I really enjoy visiting with the other moms and at a place like this, you are kind of forced to go where your kid wants to go. Dreamsicle being the timid one wasn't about to crawl through the tubes and mazes like the other girls so there wasn't alot of visiting going on. We then headed out to do some clothes shopping for the little darlin. I am so in trouble. My girl is already showing signs of becoming a fashionista. She was very vocal about what she likes and doesn't like. She's three people! She is definately channeling my now deceased mother in law-no pastel, demure solid colors for our babe. Everything MUST! BE! COLORFUL! or ANIMAL PRINT! or she wanted nothing to do with it. The other shoppers were cracking up as they heard this little sweet looking thing veto one frilly little grey frock I happened to pick up. I was eyeing the thing picturing how sweet Dreamsicle would look in it when she proclaimed to all within earshot-"Mama, I not like that, it not pretty. Put that back please. Hmmmmm.

We survived Disn*ey On I*ce on Saturday. She was waving and clapping until she couldn't wave any longer. Passed out in the car on the way home and slept like a log all night long.

Now it's back to reality but only 4 more days until we can have more fun together.

Open My Mouth

We are a little bit nuts about Dis*ney at Casa de la Dreamsicle. It has always been that way, not just since Dreamsicle arrived. She has caught the fever though.

About a month ago I saw a tv commercial for Dis*ney On Ice. I immediately went online and bought tickets. The stars aligned that day and I was able to snag the Dreamster and I two front row tickets for the big event. Which will take place on Saturday. Last Saturday she saw the commercial and was so excited just watching the ad that I opened my mouth and proclaimed that we would be going to see the show! Next Saturday! Only 6 sleeps from now! Yep-I told my 3 year old about an event that would be taking place 7 days later.

Let's review how my days have gone since I let the cat out of the bag. Saturday immediately following the proclamation...

D-Mama, I'm tired I need to sleep now
D (after waking from nap) I sleeped-how many sleeps to go?

Last night...
D-Mama, are you awake (last night as she is crawling into our bed)
M-No D, Mama is sleeping.
D-Wake up-is it time to go yet?

This morning...
D-Yeah! It is time to go see Mick*ey Mou*se!
M-No, we still have a few days left to wait
D-Mama, let's go to sleep now!

I have a feeling it is going to be a very long week.

Sappy mom post

These kids of mine make me want to burst sometimes.

Chester called from Iraq to let me know that he has been thinking of me and wanted to be sure that I knew how much he loves me. I so appreciate the way that he calls and truly values my opinion when he is working through something stressful in his life

U*haul called to let me know the same thing before he gets "under-way". He thanked me and asked me to thank his daddy for being so cool. :)

My X*Boy moved back into our house for awhile and it has been so great having him home where I can hug him and see his wonderful smile (we are having his house tested to make sure it is free from toxins-long boring story)

And the icing on the cake yesterday-Dreamsicle told me that I made her laugh so hard that her eyes were "dripping".

These dang kids of mine make my eyes drip too.

My Girl

Dreamsicle and I had a fabulous evening last night. It was just the two of us at home. After reading books we spent the entire evening on the floor rolling around, playing with her toys. The belly laughs that came out of her filled my heart with such joy.

And when I put her to bed last night she hugged me tightly and whispered in my ear-I love you mama you make my tummy happy.

And So It Begins

Dreamsicle has become obsessed with babies. I am certain it is because she watched Pixie's stomach grow then one day a beautiful baby boy showed up at our house! She is now looking for affirmation that she came from my tummy. We have talked about the fact that she is adopted from the moment her feet hit US soil but she is now at the age where she is beginning to process what all of that means. Please don't let me mess these discussions up!

Random Things

1.U*haul will be going "under way" soon for the first time. He will be part of the crew of his submarine, actually doing the job that he has been training for over the past year. He called me yesterday to let me know that he was on his way to get some last minute supplies. Things like more socks and t-shirts and under way-r (underwear). I crack myself up.

2.The temperatures are actually climbing and I can feel my spirits lifting!

3.We have heard from Chester quite a bit over the last 30 days, now we expect that we won't hear from him so much for quite a while.

4.I think I am developing an ulcer.

5. I am missing my Dad alot right now.

6.I think I may be addicted to changing the background of my blog. So many choices!

7. I am determined to catch up on all of my laundry this weekend .

TGIF!

I couldn't leave the whiny post up at the top. That is so not me. So-Happy Friday!

Winter Hum-Drums

Yep, I've got them. It appears as if the temperature is actually going to begin climbing back up now so we should be on the back end of the ick but I'm stuck in the single digits emotionally today. I think the lack of sun for so long has really done me in. Maybe I need to invest in a light box. What I really need is a warm weather destination vacation but that won't be happening this year. Way to much going on right now. Now that I think about it, it may be the level of busy that is getting me down. I come home from work exhausted and my time with Dreamiscle is so precious that I can't seem to tear myself away from her long enough to throw in a load of laundry, straighten up the house or (heaven forbid) actually exercise.

I am sure that if I stopped whining it would help tremendously-hmmmm-off to sing a happy song and find my happy place

Don't Try This At Home....

So yesterday I was being all Mar*tha Stew*art-y and making all kinds of tasty and delish foods to nosh on for the Super*bowl. One of those dishes happened to be guacamole. I lurv me some good homemade guac. I happily mashed the avacadoes, squeezed the limes for fresh lime juice and diced the tomatoes and jalapenos... after mixing aforementioned ingredients in a happy little bowl and placing it gently in the 'fridge I jumped in the shower. Things were going well as I washed my hair, applied conditioner and went to wash my face. I started scrubbing my face with my hands lathered in face wash, making sure to give my eyes a good once over so as to avoid those pesky racoon eyes that come with not getting all of your mascara off when I literally felt like my face was on fire. Note to self...be certain that the jalapeno residue is thoroughly rinsed off your hands before taking a shower.

I need a cleaning fairy...

And a cooking fairy, and a laundry fairy and well, you get the picture. I am so not complaining about how busy we are but dang-I am seriously packing on some pounds from eating on the run. I am resorting to picking up clothes, smelling them then putting them back on (okay it's not quite that bad yet but still). This business needs as much time and attention as we can give it (probably the reason I am still at the office right now). Dreamsicle's illness meant 5 days of X*boy watching her at the house since she was too ill to go to daycare. I do not have to worry about the care Dreamsicle receives from X*boy-he ranks real high on her favorite person list but the house looks like a bomb went off every day when I get home and I think if this keeps up I may begin using my stove as a decorative object since it isn't being used to cook anything.

Chasing My Tail

Chinese New Year began yesterday. I had every intention of starting the New Year honoring some of the traditions that go along with the celebrating. Doing things like thoroughly cleaning my house, decorating appropriately, handing out red envelopes-making a yummy dinner.

But the unexpected delay in getting out of Vegas which put us home on Sunday rather than Saturday coupled with Dreamsicle needing all of the time, attention and love I can give her right now since she is very ill brought my good intentions to a screeching halt.

Thankfully she is only three so she won't remember that we did nothing but I think just to be safe I should start planning now for next year.

Where Is The Time Going?

Wow, I blinked and January is almost over! Things have been crazy busy with work-I'm hoping that by the middle of February we will be able to slow down a little. Dreamsicle is spending more than enough time in the "oppice" with us. It hasn't helped that we have been virtually house bound because of the frigid temperatures. We watched the news this morning and it looks like there is another arctic blast coming our way-just in time for our return home. Blech.

We were able to spend time with my older sister this past week. Her family moved into their new home a month ago and all I can say is Wow! It is absolutely beautiful. And so deserved after everything that she has survived over the years. I am so proud of you Ginger-you go girl!

Happy 2009!

May this year be filled with joy and happiness for you all. May you be filled with peace and enjoy many nights of childlike slumber.

Goodbye 2008!

The January Project

It is funny how there are times in your life when a cliche really is an appropriate method to describe a feeling. This past May I was filled with sadness, hurt and even a little bit of despair. I had to question everything I thought I knew, learned that people I thought I could count on I really couldn't once there was nothing left for them to gain from me. Forced to realize that more often than not the word "friendship" held no value to people I would have laid down my life for. That period of my life was a dark, dark space that I wasn't sure I would ever be able to crawl out of.



During that period someone reminded me that God never closes a door without opening a window. At the time of that little reminder I wasn't so ready to really believe that. In fact, I am pretty sure I might have even said a few bad words to the person that gave me that gentle reminder if I am not mistaken. But it is true. So. True.



Out of all of the evil and darkness, a transformation began to take place. My relationship with McGyver was strengthened. When I couldn't pick my head up off of my pillow, he was there. When I couldn't string two coherent sentences together without bursting into tears he was there. When I was hurt by the silence and distance of others my husband was there. Through it all he reminded me of who I was. He forced me to look ahead. He challenged me to grow. Through that whole process I fell in love with my man all over again. The relationship we have because of what we endured is worth the pain we had to go through to get where we are now. That gift alone is priceless. But the Lord was not done with just giving us the gift of a renewed relationship and belief in each other.



He had additional plans for us. We started our new company in July. Still wobbly and shaken, I was forced to put myself out there to push for our vision to create a company that valued its employees, brought jobs to our local economy and allowed me the opportunity to truly be present in Dreamsicle's life. We were blessed with a tiny little account to whom I will forever be grateful. When they agreed to sign with us our company started. Soon after that we were blessed with a much larger client. We were able to hire employees, lease office space, really start working towards fulfilling our dreams. From July until now we have seen steady growth-now on the cusp of 2009 we are growing again.



Today at 2:00 we acquired another company. A company that is quadruple the size of what we were this morning. A company that has incredible employees, shares a vision much like our own and gives us the ability to bring more jobs to our local area, allowing us to employ more people who so desperately need work. The opportunity presented itself a little over a month ago so we have been working day and night to make this happen. The odds were against us, the timeline so tight that we know that the Lord cleared the way in order for us to make this happen.



We have been blessed. And because of His blessings we hope to be able to bless others-with a job close to home, a good wage and a great place to work.



So the next time someone tells you the old "the Lord doesn't close a door without opening a window" cliche, be still and wait to feel the wind from the open window.

I used to laugh at my Grandma

My mom came from a large family. Growing up we would visit my Grandma's house and she would always have something yummy she could pull out of the freezer to warm up for us to eat. I cannot remember the number of times she would tell us that she had trouble learning how to cook for just her and my Grandpa after the kids grew up. I would always giggle to myself wondering just how hard could it be to reduce your serving sizes.

Grandma is now up in Heaven but I owe her an apology. Apparently I have more of her in me than I even realized. This is what I prepared for our Christmas dinner last night:

Appetizers
Cold Shrimp
Water Chestnuts wrapped in bacon
Beef Roll Ups

Main Course
Potato/Squash Soup
Prime Rib
Rice Pilaf
Garlic Bread

Dessert
Pumpkin Pie with Whipped Cream

Guess who I made all of that for...McGyver, me, X*Boy and Dreamsicle.

We will be eating leftovers for a very, very long time.

The absence of Chester and U*Haul was felt by everyone. Little Pea and Pixie were home for the opening of gifts in the morning but then headed out on the road for more celebrating with her family so it was a quiet afternoon.

The morning on the other hand was a flurry of happiness and toddler giggles as Dreamsicle opened her gifts. She totally got the whole go to bed on Christmas Eve wake up to gifts from Santa on Christmas morning. So much so that when she went to bed last night she asked if Santa was going to come again. Heh, smart kid.

Mmmmmm

How did the McGyver family spend this weekend? Watching the snow accumulate on the deck (yep, just inches to go before it is higher than the deck railing, better get X*boy busy shoveling) and making our annual Gingerbread House! Each candy was lovingly test-tasted by Dreamsicle before being allowed to be added to the house. After that we moved on to making 4 different types of Christmas cookies. Many tastes of icing and sprinkles later, the day had turned into night and the joy of trying to get Dreamsicle calmed down from all of the sugar enough to go to bed began. We had a great day and I am still so thankful that we are able to be the parents to this little girl.

Happy!

We are in the middle of a terrible snowstorm, and yet I am filled with happiness today. Chester was able to call this morning (3:45 am) to be exact. He is doing well and our first 5 packages have finally caught up with him. He said that it was kind of fun opening up a package that had Halloween candy and decorations in it right now, who knows when he will finally receive his Christmas packages but he is taking it all in stride.

I am counting down the days until U*Haul comes home-he won't be home for Christmas but will be here shortly thereafter.

Dreamsicle is experiencing another language explosion. That girl has a HUGE vocabulary but now she is stringing together really long sentences. And talks non-stop. McGyver and I laugh so hard sometimes. She wakes up talking and goes to bed talking. We are so in awe of her.

X*Boy is working mad hours snowplowing so he doesn't have much time to himself right now but he is smiling as he is taking his checks to the bank!

The January Project is gearing up to launch

Life is good!

Why?

Why are all of the mirrors in my house so far away that I cannot tell that my eyebrows are in serious need of waxing until I look in the mirror at the office and scare myself thinking I have caterpillars crossing my brows?

Why did I have to slip and fall in the parking lot of the local supermarket this morning due to ice while I was wearing a dress? And the snow plow dude was just finishing up plowing, thus being treated to a show.

Why did my purse get caught on the door handle while trying to exit a swanky restaurant last week, thus pulling me backwards allowing for a not so graceful exit from said establishment?

Why do I not have heated seats in my car since I live in the Frozen Tundra?

Why did I just receive notice that the suh-weet dress I ordered for New Years Eve online is on back order and scheduled to ship on January 5?

I have no idea...

Holy Cow-It's Almost Christmas

I just looked at the date. I mean really, really looked at the date. People! Christmas is next week! When did that happen? I am all of a sudden having hot -flashy, sweaty non-perimenopausal related anxiety attacks! I am not ready. I thought I was ready. I swear I did. But then Dreamsicle informed us that she KNOWS what Santa is bringing her. Guess what~ the only thing that Santa is bringing her (currently) that she listed is books. Must rush to find puzzles, candy, and a BIG PINK BEAR. In less than a week. Watch out for the crazy woman at the mall this weekend. You have been warned.

A Big Day In A Little Girl's Life

Last Friday Dreamsicle had her first "real" haircut. We started the morning off with a Mommy and Me playdate at the local Gardens. The building was filled with Christmas Trees From Around The World. Each tree decorated with the theme for a different country. As you can see, Dreamsicle started her morning with a picture in the sleigh at the entrance to the building, notice her long, straggly hair? After spending the morning with the other girls I realized we had a hair emergency on our hands and stopped at a children's salon to get her a real big girl hair cut. She was a little shy, but sat there like a trooper. Her bangs are a little short, not the stylist's fault though. Dreamsicle was so caught up with where the stylist was going with those dang scissors near her eyes that she kept looking up to keep a close eye on the sharp pointy things. This caused her eyebrows to be raised during the haircut, thus making the stylist cut them shorter than "just above her brows". After the outing and the haircut we ended our day with a stop at a restaurant for a "treat"! The picture of Dreamsicle with her friends K and M is a picture of three little girls who all came home from China at the same time. K is from Dreamsicle's same orphanage (the little girl in all red)

Dreamsicle

Dreamsicle is slowly beginning to feel better. She doesn't get sick often and has only had the need for an antibiotic one other time in her life. I think this is perhaps why she keeps insisting that she is still sick and needs medicine. All. of. the. time.

She will follow McGyver and I around the house and say in her most pathetic little voice "Mama (or Daddy) Dreamsicle still sick. Need more medicine." Insert 4-5 fake coughs, puppy dog eyes looking up at us and then saying Pweeeeeaaaassseee.

Hmmm, may have to watch this one as she gets older. She is liking her drugs a little too much.

Snow!

Wow! The snow is coming down so hard that we are going to close the office. He! How fun is that? Seriously, this type of snowfall reminds me of when we were kids. It just keeps coming. As much as I question why I live in the Frozen Tundra most of the winter, when the snow is coming down this hard and everything looks so pristine I am actually glad that I live here. It is beyond awesome that I no longer have to worry about driving an hour to and from work in this type of weather.

Dreamsicle has been a very sick little girl these past three days so I am looking forward to having McGyver build us a crackling fire in the fireplace, opening a bottle of wine later this afternoon and just relaxing in the warmth of my home while I drown my daughter in cuddles and snoodles.

I think I feel the need to engage in some serious baking this afternoon. Nothing like filling the house with good smells today too!

The January Project

First I want to give a shout out to my home girl S-I know that you and YW are going through a difficult time right now. I cannot imagine the emotions that you both are dealing with right now. Please know that I am a phone call away (okay a phone call away unless I am driving and my cell phone drops the call like last time we spoke-sorry about that). I have never walked in the shoes you are currently being forced to wear but I can certainly listen. Prayers for you both. Every night.

Speaking of prayers-thanks for your prayers regarding the January Project! I would ask that you continue to keep sending them up on our behalf but it looks like things are back on track. I simply cannot wait to be able to fill you all in.

I just realized that this whole post is all cryptic and vague-sorry about that. The first piece will just stay that way unless you know who my home girl S is, the second one will be revealed in three weeks! Woot!

Reading

One of the things that I love to do is read to Dreamsicle. We have never had the typical read a book at bedtime routine though. We read all of the time except bedtime. Dreamsicle's books started out neatly placed on her bookshelf in her room. During the course of the day the books would seem to migrate on their own out to the living room, thus causing 10 minutes of the "clean up" song each night as we picked the books up and took them back into her room to be placed back on the bookshelf. After a year of doing that (yes, I am a slow learner) I finally decided that since we never read in her room, I needed to change the location of where the books were kept. They are now living in two rubbermaid containers in my living room. When I look at her collection of books, I am pretty proud of the variety that she has accumulated. She is graduating from simple board books to actual paper page books. We talk alot about how we love our books so we must always treat them gently. She gets it-she may throw around a kitty purse or two but never does she mishandle one of her books. It makes me so happy to hear her "read" to me or to her babies, she is doing very well.
Thus the reason for this post (see there really was a reason)-I have most of Dreamsicle's Christmas shopping done-still need to get the stocking stuffers and the Christmas Eve pajama's but other than that she is done. When I looked at the items I purchased for her, I spent just as much money on books for her as I did on toys. I am very pleased with myself over that.
So Christmas morning will be filled with ooh's and aah's as she opens up her laptop and digital camera but the time that I am anticipating the most is when she opens her books. That is the time when my teeny tiny big girl will curl up into my lap, snuggle in close and listen intently as her mama takes her to a land where her imagination will soar as I read to her.

Another Birthday

Today is Chester's 22nd birthday. He is somewhere deep in the sandbox today, I'm hoping that he hears my rendition of happy birthday playing somewhere in his head since I have sung it in my head to him about a million times. I am happy that even though it will be late, he will receive a birthday cake-a little slice of home. I have been staring at a photo of him all day today from when he was a wee lad. His face is covered in chocolate cake, brown eyes shining bright-my wish is that the joy he felt on that birthday oh so long ago is the same joy that he feels in his heart today.

Happy Birthday my sweet boy.

And happy birthday to my angel baby. May your grandpa C and grandma M be holding you close today in Heaven.

-project U*Haul cake was successful-his triple chocolate layer cake arrived in VA two days after his birthday but still in time to be enjoyed-

Random pics

Dreamsicle thinks she needs "glasses" so she borrows McGyver's sunglasses to read, helping fold laundry and trying to get the "money shot" for our Christmas cards