From left to right: Koli wearing her daddy's shades; playing with her cousin at the family reunion; chillin' on Grandma's porch; showing off her new ability to wear piggy tails.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Pictures!
From left to right: Koli wearing her daddy's shades; playing with her cousin at the family reunion; chillin' on Grandma's porch; showing off her new ability to wear piggy tails.
Monday, July 23, 2007
This Mom's Heart
I have so many posts sitting in "draft" status right now. I'm going through a rough time and can't seem to articulate what it is that I am feeling. But I'm going to try.
Chester is out on his longest mission yet. We have not heard from him for some time now and I am filled with anxiety. I long to hear his voice and know that he is okay. Not just physically but emotionally as well. He has done well so far but I feel deep within my very core that this mission is somehow different and I worry about the well-being of his heart. I worry about the well being of my heart~should his heart be breaking over there, I can only console from a distance. This separation is difficult and I ache for the day when he is back on US soil.
Dreamsicle's birthday is just days away now. I cannot stop thinking about her birth parents. I know that even after all of these years I still rejoice but also dread Chester and Angel Baby's birthday. I wonder if Dreamsicle's birth mom is counting the days until August 2nd like I do December 2nd. I wonder if she is remembering where she was, what she was doing as she prepared for the arrival of this baby. We will never know the circumstances surrounding her decision to abandon this precious girl of ours but based on what little information we have, I think it was a difficult decision for her. That's not something I will ever tell Dreamsicle because it is not based on fact. The truth is I will never have the answer for Dreamsicle but I think there will always be a sadness whether she verbalizes it or not as she gets older that she does not have that information. The big WHY? I'm sure that her birthday will always be a hard time for her. This little Dreamsicle the Tiny, the person McGyver and I so desperately want to protect and nurture and love, will undoubtedly wrestle with this sadness all on her own. We can be there to listen and comfort, but we can't own or take away her grief. I pray that the love we have for her is enough to help her get through it. This year I will cherish her birthday, not only because it is the first one we will celebrate as a family, but because it could quite possibly be the only one we will ever have that she will be able to enjoy without anything getting in the way of her happiness.
Chester is out on his longest mission yet. We have not heard from him for some time now and I am filled with anxiety. I long to hear his voice and know that he is okay. Not just physically but emotionally as well. He has done well so far but I feel deep within my very core that this mission is somehow different and I worry about the well-being of his heart. I worry about the well being of my heart~should his heart be breaking over there, I can only console from a distance. This separation is difficult and I ache for the day when he is back on US soil.
Dreamsicle's birthday is just days away now. I cannot stop thinking about her birth parents. I know that even after all of these years I still rejoice but also dread Chester and Angel Baby's birthday. I wonder if Dreamsicle's birth mom is counting the days until August 2nd like I do December 2nd. I wonder if she is remembering where she was, what she was doing as she prepared for the arrival of this baby. We will never know the circumstances surrounding her decision to abandon this precious girl of ours but based on what little information we have, I think it was a difficult decision for her. That's not something I will ever tell Dreamsicle because it is not based on fact. The truth is I will never have the answer for Dreamsicle but I think there will always be a sadness whether she verbalizes it or not as she gets older that she does not have that information. The big WHY? I'm sure that her birthday will always be a hard time for her. This little Dreamsicle the Tiny, the person McGyver and I so desperately want to protect and nurture and love, will undoubtedly wrestle with this sadness all on her own. We can be there to listen and comfort, but we can't own or take away her grief. I pray that the love we have for her is enough to help her get through it. This year I will cherish her birthday, not only because it is the first one we will celebrate as a family, but because it could quite possibly be the only one we will ever have that she will be able to enjoy without anything getting in the way of her happiness.
Monday, July 09, 2007
Big Doings at (new) Casa de la Dreamsicle
Things are a changing here in the land of Dreams. We have had a change of address. That's right-we moved out of the big house in the hundred acre woods and bought a new home on the water. It is simply divine. Our house faces a bayou, you cannot see another house from our yard-I am in heaven. Moving was awful. The home we purchased is about half of the size of our old one-trying to decide what needed to be moved and what didn't was a tedious, time consuming task but it is over and we are settled (finally). It is nice to be able to be surrounded by my family again. We literally could go days without seeing the boys when they lived at home in the big house. With three floors and too many tv's, gaming systems to mention I often felt disconnected. I wanted a smaller home for the safety/security of me and the babe when McGyver is away on his hunting trips but also because there are just 3 of us left in the house. This fits us. Dreamsicle handled the move like a champ. The floating playpen is securely fastened to our dock and we can decide on a whim to take the boat out now! Yippee!!
We also sold our 5th wheel. I know! Can you believe it? I had to seriously stop and consider the fact that we only use it one weekend a year for my family reunion-not really wise to keep something for one weekend a year. So we put the for sale sign in it and it sold within 3 days. To a lovely older couple who vacation in Southern Texas. I'm sure they will love it as much as I did.
The fourth of July had its good parts and bad parts. Dreamsicle adored the parade (big, loud sirens and all) and absolutely HATED the fireworks. She hid under a blanket (we were on the floating playpen) the entire time then fell asleep as soon as they were over. So not what I was expecting when I thought last year of what this year with her would be like. But-next year she will be a year older. I have pictures to share and will do that within the next day or two. But for now, if you can't find me it is because I am outside sitting on my deck, enjoying the view.
We also sold our 5th wheel. I know! Can you believe it? I had to seriously stop and consider the fact that we only use it one weekend a year for my family reunion-not really wise to keep something for one weekend a year. So we put the for sale sign in it and it sold within 3 days. To a lovely older couple who vacation in Southern Texas. I'm sure they will love it as much as I did.
The fourth of July had its good parts and bad parts. Dreamsicle adored the parade (big, loud sirens and all) and absolutely HATED the fireworks. She hid under a blanket (we were on the floating playpen) the entire time then fell asleep as soon as they were over. So not what I was expecting when I thought last year of what this year with her would be like. But-next year she will be a year older. I have pictures to share and will do that within the next day or two. But for now, if you can't find me it is because I am outside sitting on my deck, enjoying the view.
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