Whoo*zits and What*zits

I had decided that when we travel to pick up Koli, I wanted to purchase a wrap or pouch to carry her around in. I'm all about making sure that our precious girl bonds with us so thought that having some skin to skin contact would encourage that rather than simply placing her in a stroller. I purchased two different types of hip slings/wraps/pouches to try to see which one was the most comfortable. Heaven help me. After taking the first item out of the box, I decided that it would not be necessary for me to read the instructions. After all, how hard could it be to take a piece of material and two rings and form an opening that would fit my pretend child? I had purchased a 20 pound bag of rice as a stand in for Koli. In real life I am on the growth stunted side. I had purchased the "medium" size wrap since it states that most people fit into the medium category and there is a large difference in vertical between me and L. So my thinking was to buy the medium than we could both use it. After last night I see the error of my ways. The piece of fabric could have wrapped me up in it 3 times, come to think of it, I think it did wrap me up 3 times. I was in the comfort of my own home, by myself, and almost had to dial the emergency number for help. I began by wrapping the fabric around my body, thinking that I would then somehow pull it up to my waist and then attach the rings. All fine and good except that I wrapped on of my arms inside the fabric, twice. After doing a little twirly dance number to extract my body from the fabric I tried again, remembering this time to keep both hands free from the wrapping process at all times. I was a little more successful on this attempt and actually managed to pull the yards and yards of fabric up to my waist this time. Only then I realized that I did not have the little ring-y things in my hand. So I had to walk to the kitchen table, reach out to grab the ring-y things and then try to somehow connect them near my shoulder. While using both hands to try to connect the ring-y things I let go of the fabric in the wrong place and the sling once again looked like a dress. Now armed with the ring-y things, I pulled the fabric up once again, kept my hands positioned where they needed to be and somewhat successfully attached the ring-y things. I then proceeded to place ever so lovingly into this pouch my 20 pound bag of rice. That would be the 20 pound bag of rice that somehow popped a hole in its bag and began leeking all over the floor before I realized that my load was not simply getting lighter because I was getting used to it but because approximately 5 pounds of rice was now spread out on my floor. Tonight, I try the other one.