I Am So Uncool

I thought I would try to "get with the times" and sign up for My*space and Face*book. I hear so many people talk about how they get all into it and catch up with people they haven't seen in forever. It sounds like fun. There is only one problem. I have no idea what I am doing. When that little side bar comes up on my Face*book screen that shows people I *might* be interested in becoming friends with I get all sweaty. What if I ask someone to *be my friend* (gosh does that bring back feelings of uncomfortableness from school) and they decline? What does that say about me? I get a message on my email that alerts me to the fact that someone has written on my "wall" and my head is suddenly filled with Pink Floyd and I get all excited. Wow! Someone is actually communicating with me! Yippee! (Cue Sally Fields-they like me, they really, really like me). Then there is my My*space account where I have 5 friends. 4 of those friends are my family. Hmmm, I happened upon some screen the other day and saw that Chester and U*Haul were actually having a conversation about me from 5 months ago that I had no idea they had-why? because I had no idea that screen was even there! On my own My*space account! And let's not even talk about T*witter. I have no idea what that is but think I should stay far, far away.