Good Times

This weekend flew by-thank goodness we had an extra day added to the weekend. There was just too much fun to be had to fit into two days. U*Haul and Pixie had their open houses this weekend. Graduation was a teary event for me as I watched my baby boy receive his diploma. It was great to watch him greet everyone that came to his party as they arrived. I was so proud of the way he handled himself, making sure he stopped and thanked everyone for coming. It was so nice to see our family and friends. One of my cousins has a son who weighs 21 pounds so I grabbed the baby carrier I have decided on using and did a "test carry". The carrier was comfortable to wear and the babe looked downright snugglish in it. We then moved on to the stroller and he seemed to enjoy himself in there as well. I love spending time with my extended family. They are so much fun. And good sports. I drug everyone of them upstairs to see Dreamsicle's room. So anyway, the party went off without a hitch, people stayed until the wee hours of the morning but I caught some shut eye then popped up a little while later ready to go.

It was time.

Time for the maiden voyage of the new and improved floating playpen. We launched in the morning and did not come off of the water until dusk. We are friends with a couple that have a pontoon as old as ours and they completely redid their boat this year as well. We spent the day with them out on the water. McGyver and this guy started threatening another one of our friends at the party on Saturday that they were going to "pimp his boat" since he has an old pontoon and hasn't done anything to it yet. Monday came and we took the boat out again. We ended up with five families meeting up on the water. It was so nice to relax and visit. We eat very good while boating since we have the permanently attached grills on the pontoons. I think I stuffed my face with more food (ribs! chicken! corn on the cob!) in those two days than I did in the whole week before that.

Yesterday morning I hopped on a plane and will be out of town until Sunday. I'm down south so it is hot but very bummed that their pool is inside. What's up with that? Up in the frozen tundra where I live the majority of hotels have outside pools. Here, where it is warm more months than not, the hotels have pools inside. Hmmm, go figure.

This week brings me another week closer to seeing Dreamsicle's face. Come on June-hurry up and fly by!

Not this time

I know, I know, I wasn't going to post anything adoption related until next week. I lied. It's official. Referrals are going through June 15th. I'm okay with that. Barring some crazy thing happening, we should be next. I just read that last line and laughed. This whole adoption wait has been a crazy thing so who am I kidding? June will be our month. Finally. Four weeks people, four weeks! I told McGyver last night that if we get our referral the last week of June we can pretend that the fireworks being shot off on the fourth of July are in celebration of our referral. What fun we will have on the floating playpen with the other members of the Redneck Yachtclub celebrating our baby's referral. Four weeks. Okay maybe five. The end is near. In a good way. I'm positively giddy. And. I. Have. Four. Weeks.To.Go. or maybe five.

My mission at some point this weekend is to upload all of the pictures (correctly sized I might add) from Dreamsicle's room and the floating playpen in all of it's new found Safety Red glory. And pictures of U*Haul and Pixie's graduation and open house-yippee! Four weeks (or five)!

I have to start posting more pictures

Alright, I know I'm dealing with some serious sizing issues with the pictures posted below. I had better get busy posting pictures so that I can figure out how to do this correctly before we go to China, don't you think?

Dreamsicle's Mirror

Dreamsicle's Grandmothers rocker, my dresser (repainted) and her crib

Hawaiian Surfer Frog Chick II

Hawaiian Surfer Frog Chick

Not This Time

It's looking as if I should have been running down the road of denial instead of skipping. Those pesky rumors seem to be picking up speed and it looks like we won't be receiving our referral this time. Spain is reporting that referrals will go through June 15th. You know what? I'm okay with that. As long as they make it through June 15th I can hang on for another 30 days. I keep telling myself that four weeks after referrals go out this time it will finally be our turn. Four weeks. Not a lifetime, just. four. weeks. I really have been living deep in the land of denial though. I was so convinced that June 20th would be included in this round of referrals that I actually sent an email to another blogger with the same LID as me telling her to hang on because we were so close I could almost hear our babies giggles (blush) sheesh, did I really say that? The wait? It is getting to me.
This week U*Haul and Pixie graduate from high school and their open house is next Saturday. I will post pictures of Dreamsicle's finished room sometime this weekend but then for the next week I am focusing on my baby boy and his girlfriend. I owe this time to them so at their open house I'm wearing my "don't ask" button. Not because it is too painful to talk about the adoption but because they deserve that day to be about them.

Skipping Down The Road of Denial

The rumors have started. Initially the rumors were good. Everyone was on board-referrals would go out for at least those families with LID's from June 7th-June 20th. The rumors have begun to darken. Referrals will only be given for 5 days worth of LIDS per month from now until eternity. That, my friends, is not going to happen. Nope, nope, nope. Not believing it. I have my hands covering my ears as I hum, loudly I might add, to keep those thoughts from entering my head. I am choosing to continue to skip down this road that is going to bring me to my referral at the end of this month. One more week, my referral is coming in one more week. Please, God, let it come in one more week...

Blurbs

I have a bunch of little blurbs, but nothing big to share with you today. Here goes....

1. Remember the Floating Playpen? If you look at past posts you will find a picture of the Floating Playpen in all of it's orange goodiness. It is receiving a complete makeover. I love having a pontoon from the 1970's. I can make changes on a whim and completely change the look. The Floating Playpen will soon be painted in "Safety Red". That's right-we are painting the boat with spray paint but it sure looks good. The brown carpet is being replaced with new grey floor covering. We are swapping out the green resin chairs for white ones and replacing the permanently mounted green grill with a black/red one. I will post pictures once the project is complete.

2. I had a fantabulous Mothers Day yesterday. Was gifted and fed and treated like royalty. There was a sprinkling of sadness to the day since Chester and Dreamsicle were not present but just a small sprinkle. Chester's absence is one I will have to get used to and this will be the last Mother's Day without Dreamsicle.

3. Speaking of Dreamsicle-her nursery is just about complete. My niece will be painting the Hawaaian/surfer frog chicks on her wall this week then I will post pictures.

4. Still hopeful that our referral will come at the end of this month. I tried to be sly and weasel information out of our agency but they have been playing this game far longer than me. I did get the answer that I needed to my "what if" question but no promises that we will see our baby girls face this month.

Hopeful

Today I am hopeful. I don't know why but I woke up this morning with butterflies in my stomach. I also have this strange sense of urgency, like I must hurry to finish Dreamsicle's room. I have finally realized that the end is in sight. It. Has. To. Be. We should either receive our referral at the end of May or at the very latest, the end of June. In as little as 3 weeks from now, Dreamsicle could change from just a name on a page to our daughter. Our daughter. Our Dreams, Our Hopes, Our living, breathing, waiting for her mama and daddy to come get her Daughter. I have had small bouts of this feeling before which have been dashed but we are so close to the end that this time it has to be real. It has to be.

When Two Worlds Collide

As most of you know, I work in the healthcare industry. I am seriously beginning to have adoption brain. I just read an email from one of my staff members telling me that she forgot to date stamp her LID, couldn't get to the INS or the DOR.

Translation:

LID-means the same in both worlds (log in date) just different paperwork

INS-in my work world this is short for Insurance, we all know what it stands for in adoption land

DOR-in my work world this is the abbreviation for Doctor of Record, in adoption land it is Date of Referral.

How much do you think this adoption is wearing on me when I translated that into adoption speak before remembering where I'm at?

In other news...

My friend and I were bartenders at the reception of the son of someone we work with on Saturday. I have never bartended before but my friend has. Let me just say that I will forever watch myself very carefully in public social settings after being behind the bar one night. The stuff we saw and the things we heard were enough to make my toes curl. Trust me on this-you really don't realize how drunk and stupid you get until you are one of the only sober ones at a function like this. Very interesting.

Anxious with a side of insomnia

I have no idea what is going on in adoption land lately. The latest tragedy is that there are a group of people who were told by their agency that their Log In Date was June 6th. The cut off for referrals for April was June 6th. Guess what, there was apparently a mistake made on the paperwork for at least 17 families-they were really logged in on June 7th. Can you imagine? You finally think your turn is here, that after 10 months of waiting you will be receiving your referral only to have the rug pulled out from underneath you at the 11th hour? Crushing is what that would be.

I can't get this out of my head. My heart hurts so badly for those families.

Of course now I envision this happening to us. We have two weeks worth of LIDS to get through before our LID. I can't sleep. I keep envisioning that the CCAA pulls a fast one on all of us and actually gets through two weeks worth of LIDS in one month and either stops on the 19th (because ours is the 20th) or they will go throught the 20th and we won't receive ours. I have at least another four weeks to worry about this before we will know what dates the next batch of referrals will contain. I may need to start having Red Bull iv's to keep me awake if I don't start sleeping. So close and so close, or so close and yet so far? Who knows?

Does anyone else think that there is a large group of people in China laughing at us right now?

Dog gone it

Dog gone it. This wait is becoming endless. Endless. E-N-D-L-E-S-S. We just got word that referrals were mailed today. They covered May 31-June 6th. Just in case anybody has forgotten (because I don't whine about it enough) our LID is June 20th. Talk about having a hard time planning anything. This could extend out as far as July or August if the CCAA keeps referring at this slow of a pace. I sent my check in today to the USCIS because the wait has extended so far out that we will have to be refingerprinted. One of the women that has the same LID as us called me while we were in Vegas all excited because she just "knows" we are going to get our referral in May and isn't that just so exciting? I have no idea how she figures that is going to happen. Not at this pace.

It is so wierd. The week of referrals used to be such an exciting time for the people that were waiting. The wait has gotten to be so long that I know alot of us now dread it more than look forward to it. Instead of being able to see yourself steadily moving forward you now see how far you really have left to go.

I'm going to continue to work on Dreamsicle's room. My digital camera broke so I can't post pictures until I get it repaired. I need to keep reminding myself to take positive steps forward. I see shopping in my near future, lots and lots of shopping.

Elvis Lives!

And dudes, he's a very quick changer. McGyver and I just returned from Vegas this morning. As we were walking down the strip we would see Elvis! dressed in a black shiny sequiny jumpsuit if we looked to our right. We would then go a few blocks and see him again-being the quick changer that he is he would be in his white shiny sequiny jumpsuit. More Elvis' per square foot than I have ever seen in Vegas before. Kinda freaky.

I had a conference in Vegas that I was exhibiting at. Can anyone tell me why the maintenance staff of one very large, fancy schmancy hotel on the end of the strip would ever think it was a good idea to replace loose granite on a wall right next to my booth at the exact moment that the exhibit hall opens up for the first time? The odor was horrific and needless to say I spent a rather lonely day trying to get people to dare hold their breath long enough to come see me. I tried juggling with my cool give-aways, tried smiling really big and bright, all to no avail. Me and two other vendors were like lepers. But hey, after inhaling the fumes for quite some time we became increasingly happy and hungry. I made my way back to the room once the expo hall closed and I'm fairly certain McGyver thought I had stopped at the bar somewhere.

Overall the trip was great but I'm glad to be home. Of course I managed to perform the usual klutzy things that I normally do. I wore a new halter style dress to dinner our first night and while attempting to get out of the taxi I got kind of tangled up in my dress, causing my boob to fall out. The cabbie loved that one-said I didn't need to worry about tipping him, he just got a big one! Funny guy. The strap on my computer bag got caught on the armrest of the plane while I was attempting to deplane. I didn't realize it until I was yanked backwards while trying to walk forward. The list goes on and on. At least I'm a source of entertainment.

Aaaahhhhhh

A warm sunny vacation was just what I needed. We spent time with my father in law, took his boat out into the Gulf of Mexico and fished on the first day we were down there. We saw sea turtles live and up close and caught sharks! Sharks that were about 2-3 feet in length but how fun to be able to say that I caught a shark. McGyver and I spent some quality alone time having dinners at restaurants overlooking the Gulf , gorging ourselves on seafood and taking long walks on the beach. We spent family time with Pixie and U*Haul on the beach a couple of days and ventured to Mexico. I was able to sleep in, clear my head and just......breathe. We spent 8 glorious days in the sunshine so now I have a well earned sunburn and a peeling forehead but it was so worth it. We drove to South Padre Island and coming back we stopped by Fort Knox to spend some time with Chester. When we arrived home X*Boy had painted Dreamsicle's room! Yeah-one task down in the transformation of Chester's old room into Dreamsicle's hawaiian frog heaven. Next week McGyver and I are headed to Vegas so for now I'm keeping myself at an arms length from all things adoption (except for moving forward on Dreamsicle's room) and just enjoying my family. I hope this week all of my fellow waiting families are able to find peace as well.

Not So Blue

I took it easy this weekend, hung around the house, slept, ate, ate some more. I feel better. The weather is warming up and the sun is shining which I think is helping. So now I'm going to run away from life for a while. McGyver and I, along with U*Haul & Pixie are going to South Padre Island for 8 days. I'm planning on doing nothing but soaking up sunshine and regaining my perspective. I'm headed to the gym-do you think I can lose a size in four days so that I can get into my swimsuit?

Brain Freeze

You know how your face feels after your dentist gives you a shot of novacaine? That's kind of how my brain feels right now. I have had severe tantrums on this here blog o' mine plenty of times in the past about the increase in the wait time. Confirmation that referrals have only been given to families with LID's through May 30th has caused me to have brain freeze. I can't cry, I'm so way past anger and frustration right now that I'm not sure what you would call the emotional state that my brain is in right now. I wonder if this is what PTSS feels like. I have asked the people that had been planning our baby showers to please hold off on sending invitations. I don't think I could enjoy myself right now. The worst part is just not knowing when. I have taken myself off of the DTC boards (frankly I think our June DTC board is probably going to implode anyway. I'm very saddened at how there seems to be two factions of people who never agree on anything but that's all I'm going to say about that) and will probably stop visiting the big board as well. I am so gloriously happy for those that have been waiting all of these months that will be receiving their referrals but at the same time I am selfishly sad. Emotionally I am now planning on receiving our referral in August, with travel in October. It will have taken the CCAA 5 months to send referrals for all of the May families and with a late June LID I guess I had better prepare myself for the long haul. Of course this news comes during the week after we sent Chester back to Kentucky and a day before the anniversary of when we lost Angel baby. I think I'm going to just eat my way through this weekend and maybe I'll wake up on Monday able to feel something.

Poor, Poor, Pitiful Me

Well, it's that time of the month again (no, not that time of the month, geesh). The time of the month where the rumor mill starts churning. People on the June DTC board are absolutely devastated with the latest rumors which everyone "swears" are true. The rumor is that only the rest of May will receive referrals this month. How do ya like that? It really is beginning to look like Dreamsicle will be twelve years old when we get her. Our. referral. is. going. to. take. that. long.
To all of my infertile friends waiting for referrals-I am so sorry. I have 3 boys whom I adore. As bad as this wait is for me, I cannot imagine the pain that all of you are going through. I really cannot imagine. I feel so selfish feeling sorry for lil' old me when I have kids who I can shower with love and affection while you all wait to experience that feeling for the first time in your lives. I ache so badly for all of you. Hold on for a little while longer. Please.

A New Day Dawns

Today has been a better day. The sun is shining and McGyver and I spent the day shopping. I finally found the bedspread for Dreamsicle's room that will tie in the Hawaiian/Frog theme that I am working towards. McGyver came up with a tremendous idea for her headboard as well. Her crib bedding arrived today and I purchased the carpet for her room. So let's add up the purchases I have made in the past two days

1. A kickin' stroller
2. Dreamsicle's second car seat
3. Carpet
4. Bedspread
5. Crib Bedding

Retail Therapy has been successful in lightening my mood for the day. Can't promise what tomorrow will bring (Chester leaves to go back to Kentucky, blech) but I'll take the good days as they come.